My Dear Husband and I have a great time together. I was surprised, therefore, when someone recently described our interactions as “bickering.”
Actually I was more than surprised, I was also somewhat distressed.
So I gave it a little thought and I decided we don’t bicker, we banter.
It’s sort of like deciding if one is flirting or not. A sassy conversation is nothing more than conversation without intent. Flirting is sassy conversation with motive.
Bicker/banter is the same thing. Did you just give a playful punch to your husband’s arm when he muttered something about your age because you truly want to punch out his daylights or because you know he’s teasing and you want to respond in kind?
It’s about intent.
My Dear Husband and I are having a pretty good time exploring this topic. Whenever he starts to tease (which if you have met him you realize it’s a pretty constant thing) I narrow my eyes, look over at him, and say, ‘bicker or banter?’
When I stole his last Dorito, things got a little ugly. I could see he was miffed so I quickly said, ‘bicker or banter?’ He growled out “bicker,” but then we both had to laugh.
I cannot presume to give out marital advice, but this is a pretty fun game and a silly way of looking at things to make sure you aren’t getting miffed at each other when you shouldn’t.