Today I went jaunting down to the elementary school as carefree as could be, with Miss 2 and Miss 4 in tow, to attend an awards ceremony. Actually, I drove across town to see two award ceremonies. If I would’ve only stayed for one of the ceremonies, this story would have a much happier ending. . . . . .
Miss 7’s award ceremony went off without a hitch. She looked cute, got an award in music and I thought I had the perfect containment plan for Miss 2 and Miss 4. (yeah, right) All through Miss 7’s assembly, Miss 4 happily played away on Angry Birds, while I slipped dum dums and little toys to Miss 2. I don’t usually let Miss 4 touch my tablet, except to get a gold star on her reward chart app for not peeing her pants, but I thought this would keep her occupied and make my life nice and easy. (yeah right, again)
Trouble came in the form of Miss 4 getting tired of Angry Birds at the beginning of Miss 10’s assembly. Miss 4 declared she was done with Angry Birds and wanted to play “Cake Maker.” Now Cake Maker is a decent little game, usually. But I didn’t realize that even with my tablet switched to mute, Cake Maker has it’s own independent volume. Oh yes! Not only does Cake Maker have it’s own independent volume, but it is SUPER LOUD. And Cake Maker FREEZES your tablet, so when your little one switches on the SUPER LOUD music in the middle of the quiet award assembly (which is in the gym to ensure a nice echoey sound) IT WILL BE STUCK ON IN ORDER TO ENSURE MAXIMUM INTERRUPTION AND EMBARRASSMENT!
The nice man sitting next to me, looked like he wanted to throw a punch. The woman standing to the side of me was staring in horror. When I realized the tablet was FROZEN, I panicked and tried to sit on it to muffle the sound. It didn’t muffle the sound! I threw the tablet into the bottom of my purse. It didn’t muffle the sound, either! NOTHING MUFFLED THE SOUND! The frozen tablet was unresponsive to my frantic stabbing of the power button. FINALLY, I was able to think clearly enough to hold the power button down, thus forcing the tablet to shut off and stop the terrible music.
No sooner did I stop the music than Miss 4 realized that I had stuffed her precious game into the bottom of my zipped purse. SHE GOT MAD! SHE STARTED TO HOLLER! She yelled out in a loud voice, “I’M BORED! I’M BORED! I’M BORED!” and then proceeded to SCREAM AND CRY AND THROW A COLOSSAL TANTRUM!
I clamped both hands over her mouth, to muffle the sound, and tried to flee. My hasty getaway was impeded by a large, heavy, door that I couldn’t manage to shove open while holding my purse, the stroller, and a TANTRUM THROWING, SQUIRMING, HOLLERING Miss 4.
Finally a kind man took pity on me, or just wanted me OUT OF THERE, and he came over to open the door for us.
I learned two things from this humiliating experience. First of all, never, never think you have anything nice and easy when dealing with young children. And also, I think I might need the name and address of a good drop-in daytime babysitter. ‘Cause this awards ceremony was the pits!