Maren Goes Dress Shopping

So, I went to the store to purchase a dress to wear to an upcoming wedding. My nephew is getting married, and of course I’d like to get something new to wear because I am a girl. And even though I know the people I will be spending time with love me, you know I am freaking out about how I will look. Because I am a girl. A girl who is keenly aware that, no matter how great she thinks she looks when she leaves the house, when she sees the pictures, she will think:

What the crap was I thinking wearing that?

And yes, I know I just gave you all a big speech about Authenticity.

I do know I want to be comfortable. I know that “shapewear” is not for meant for me and events lasting more than an hour. I have been known to skulk into ladies rooms, strip, remove the ‘wear’ trying to ‘shape’ me and stuff it into the depths of my purse, only to have it later make an awkward appearance at an inopportune moment.


I also know that I should never wear white if there is going to be food or pictures. White attracts every food I touch like a 2 year old with chocolate, and it is NOT a slimming color. Believe me.

I know that I love blue, and sweaters, but that I have a lot of these, so I should stop buying them.

I know that I do not look right in things that have deep V’s, boat necks, wrapping fronts, or anything that has the words form fitting, pencil, or cling attached to them. Cotton is my friend.

I know that I never, ever want to see my knees.

So you can imagine how dress shopping morphs into quite the minefield, and you also begin to understand my deep and abiding love of bohemian style skirts, and turtleneck sweaters.

But, I went to the store planning to branch out. This would be the time I would maybe buy an animal print blouse, or a nice A-line skirt in a flattering color. Maybe a dress!

Alas, after trying on many things, (an animal print dress, a blue dress, 2 suits, a skirt and a variety of blouse-like tops in a variety of colors) I left empty handed. I steeled myself to wear something I already own.

Yeah, right.

I went back to the store tonight and there it was! The perfect outfit! ON CLEARANCE!

Is is a dress? Nope. Did I ‘branch out’? Unlikely. Step out my of comfort zone?  That’s a no. Take a chance?

Not even close.

Is it a nice comfy black bohemian style skirt and a lovely blue turtleneck?



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4 Responses to Maren Goes Dress Shopping

  1. I once lost a “foundation garment” somewhere between my office and my apartment. I thought it was in my purse. I shudder to think of what happened when someone found that surprise………

    Black is great. Turtlenecks are WONDERFUL. And no matter what you wear, YOU are the event…not the clothes!!!

  2. Carrie says:

    I, too, have been known to shed foundation garments when I can’t take the squeeze any longer. Maybe it runs in the family?

  3. Grandma says:

    I just quit wearing them along time ago.

  4. Roseanne Hendricks says:

    Shopping is supposed to fun…but shopping for a dress to wear for a wedding? Ugh, no thank you. I have developed some kind of complex ever since my sister’s wedding. I look good in black, and my husband has pointed out to me before that too much of my dress clothes are black. I wore a long black skirt with the fanciest blouse I could find, bone colored, to my sister’s wedding. Worst pictures ever. And the father of the groom thought I was a waitress, walked over to me during the cake cutting, and gave me his beer order.

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